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Unexpected transitions

Unexpected transitions

This contraption, credit: my inventive husband. The contraption is two milk jugs set up outside pocket doors, straws taped to the inside of the doors and beer cans sitting on top - so that when the doors open they knock the cans off and make a loud noise - you dig? This little no-cost invention saved our nights on vacation. Let me explain. You know that milestone when babies grow out of their beds, climb out of them, and then you have to get them a big boy/big girl bed? Well,

How quickly we forget

How quickly we forget

I recently read an article that talked about a book called "The Danish Way" in which it describes how the Danes approach the toddler years differently. Apparently, the Danes don't use the phrase "the terrible twos". Instead, they call it The Boundary Stage. While I applaud the Danes for being so politically correct in their use of descriptive words, and I do admit that "The Boundary Stage" is a much nicer sounding and more productive way to describe the HELL that is the te

The kindness of strangers

The kindness of strangers

Recently, my hubby and I decided to do something super fun (and a bit crazy). We love to travel, with and without kids, and so we decided to take the month of November, rent a house in Southern California, and hang out with our two boys, almost 2 and almost 4. The plan? No plan, really. Just go and focus inward, on the four of us. We have a super busy life at home and the opportunity arose, so we took it. Let me tell you though, there's one thing we know better than anything,

My advice (for what it's worth)

My advice (for what it's worth)

My heart goes out to all of the new mamas in today’s world. Thanks to technology, there is just so much information readily available to expectant and new mothers and it all feels like it’s just too much. On one hand, the power of technology is great because we can all be more aware and more educated and are better able to self-advocate, but on the other hand, it can become an information overload. Everywhere you look you are bombarded with “how to”s and “what not to do’s”

I'm not worthy

I'm not worthy

Ugh, today is one of those days where I feel as unworthy as a mom could. It actually took a while to come to that place…anger, frustration and perspiration came first. This morning was like the twelve steps for me. First step ‘come on buddy, let’s change our diaper and get dressed’, ‘step 2…ok now, please sit down’ step 3…negotiating ‘ok, do you want to stand up while we put on your diaper, or lay down?’ ….why did I ever start with a question…don’t I know the answer is al

How to touch your vagina after giving birth

How to touch your vagina after giving birth

What I learned is that it’s not something you should do….at any point, no matter what weird masochistic inclination might be nagging at you to check your shit out, I beg of you…don’t do it. It will haunt your dreams. There are a few universal truths in life…paying your taxes blows, you will watch The Shawshank Redemption every time it’s on tv, and never ever touch your vag within 1 week after giving birth…possibly 2 if you’d like to avoid a panic attack that a small pudgy w

I've got it good

I've got it good

When Alex and I got married, we had a small city hall ceremony followed by a cocktail reception at a local restaurant- nothing fancy really. I ended up make my own bouquet however- out of brooches and jewelry. It was gorgeous and unique and added a special touch to a day where there were not a lot of those signature wedding type things (decor, flowers, table settings- you know what I mean). Not long after we got married, I started up a small side gig making these bouquets for

All I want for Christmas

The hubby asked me last week: “what do you want for Christmas?” knowing that I would have no idea what to answer. I’m known by my close friends as notoriously against “stuff” (need to de-clutter your home? Call me, I’m your gal), and I always buy for my family, rarely for myself. So I really had to think about it. And in the end, he already has an idea of a gift, and will do just fine. But if I’m being real with myself, and going into 2017 that is a HUGE priority for me, my r

That's Sergeant Mommy to you bud

That's Sergeant Mommy to you bud

“I see pride, I see power, I see a bad ass mother who don’t take no crap off of no one” – Cool Runnings, aka one of the best 90’s movies (about an Olympic Bobsled team) of all time. I’ve often remarked, as has every person who’s spent any amount of time with both of my children, how completely opposite they are. They look alike, yes, but in terms of personality and disposition – it couldn’t be more opposite. Daughter is mellow, easy going and gentle, son No.2 is a fucking jac

Three man team

Three man team

Last week over the Christmas holidays, my mother-in-law came up to stay with us and help out by watching all four of our kids because school and daycare were still out and hubby and I were back to work. I know many of you reading this will be imagining how terrible it would be to have your monster-in, ahem, I mean mother-in-law stay with you for a whole week. Let me tell you…..it was absolute HEAVEN. I don’t know how I got so lucky to have this woman in my life. She is am

The little things

The little things

I have been feeling a little bummed the last couple of weeks. This happens sometimes with life. Both my kids were sick and so were us parents over the holidays on separate occasions, and the Christmas holidays is the week of the year that I really have “off”, so spending it just trying to get everyone healthy again was a bit of a bummer. One of my boys is going through the “no” stage with me, and it’s lonely over here with the mom guilt: guilt about yelling, guilt about bedti

Growing up

Growing up

It’s happening. Or maybe it’s already happened, and I’m just abruptly noticing. My baby girl is turning 3 soon. Three!!! How did that even happen? I get emotional just thinking about it. It seems like only yesterday she was a helpless little blob, needing momma for nearly everything. And now, well, she likes to do mostly everything by herself. Everyone tells you that “time will fly”, which is partly true…other times, it will dragggggg on and you will have days where yo

A mom's quality time...

A mom's quality time...

Yes, going grocery shopping alone makes me THIS excited! You wanna know what Moms fantasize about? Now, now – before your mind goes to the gutter, let’s keep this G rated, people! In addition to being whisked away on vacation, being taken out to dinner, date night, uninterrupted bubble baths and long showers, hot coffee, getting a fantastic blowout, and sleeping in, we also fantasize about grocery shopping. Alone. Or any kind of shopping, really. At least that’s what I fantas

Nine Years

Nine Years

My oldest daughter is turning nine tomorrow. It’s unbelievable to me. I can’t seem to figure out where the time has gone, but at the same time it feels like it was a lifetime ago. I am not the same woman today that I was then. Nine years ago I looked into my daughter’s eyes for the first time, and my life, and everything about me, changed forever. To say that I was not prepared to be a mother would be an understatement. For so many years I longed to be the person that I

Ode to your mother(s)

Ode to your mother(s)

Ode to my mom Mom, you rule for so many reasons. When we were kids you let us eat junk food on Friday nights, but didn’t let us watch scary movies so that we wouldn’t have bad dreams. You didn’t spoil us because you wanted us to understand the value of everything but always put on the best Christmases. You made sleepovers legendary because I could have lots of friends sleepover, not just one. You let me throw a high school grad party and parade around that party wearing a fak

Bye Bye Baby

Bye Bye Baby

The time has come. I have read time and time again that when the time comes where you’re face to face with all of the memories of your last child’s infancy piled up in bins, overflowing from every closet in your home, it will be bittersweet. You will feel nostalgic at the little tiny onesie with old milk stains marking the front. Simply seeing the tiny booties that never went anywhere near their tiny perfect feet will make your uterus sing a swan song. The smell of the baby b

Constance Hall

Constance Hall

If you don’t know who Constance Hall is, you should! She’s a trailblazer and inspiration to the sentiments we hold so near and dear to us here at Bad Moms. This interview: https://au.tv.yahoo.com/the-morning-show/video/watch/34862140/blogging-queen-unites-women-with-candid-approach-to-motherhood/#page1 The point is that parent hood comes in all of the colours of the rainbow! It’s pretty and photo worthy and it’s ugly dark and messy too, and that’s perfectly normal and ok! She

Proof that toddlers and drunks are the same

Proof that toddlers and drunks are the same

9. Impulse control…one second they’re hugging and drooling all over you and the next they’re threatening violence over a hotdog 8. Watching them try to put on their own shoes is about as exasperating as letting a mosquito bite your finger 7. They have zero bladder control at all and will piss in whatever corner is within closest proximity 6. Have short term memory loss – they ask for pizza and when you present them with pizza it is slapped out of your hand faster than you can

Perspective

Perspective

You know the old saying that in order to truly understand someone else you have to “walk a mile in their shoes”? It’s about perspective. Perspective is everything. The definition of perspective is “a particular attitude toward or way of regarding something; a point of view.” It is amazing what a change in perspective can do. Any parent who has two children can tell you that they thought having only one child was tough until they had their second child, and then all of the

The #1 Things I'll miss about being pregnant!

The #1 Things I'll miss about being pregnant!

If I’m being honest, I’m finding this pregnancy far less “magical” than when I was pregnant with my daughter. And yes, I was one of those rare women that felt amazing and loved almost everything about being pregnant. But this time around? No. Just no. I’m really trying to enjoy it. When people ask me how I’m feeling, I usually respond with “Meh” or a grunt. Maybe it’s because I’m three years older, or that my body just knows what to do much faster. Or maybe it’s becau

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