Just jump in, the water's warm!
It was January 2015…and I was in hell. I rotated between rocking a screaming baby, trying to feed a screaming fussy baby and snipping at my young daughter. Lather, rinse, repeat. Seriously…..lather, rinse, repeat. Pile on top of that frigid Northern Ontario weather, a small business struggling to survive it, and you begin to get the picture.
My husband and I were in a miserable place. Rendered miserable by the months of stress compounded by lack of sleep, stresses from both of us being self-employed, and an infant who was driving us to the brink of insanity. It’s so easy in these moments to think, ‘what the fuck have I done to my life?’. I had it good…I was happy, I was whole, I had a life – then I went and got greedy and fucked it all to shit. The gods are punishing me. They were like, oh, you thought you had this shit all figured out eh?(god is canadian), you thought this would be so easy, three would just meld into four like cheese melting into nachos? Well, fuck you. We got fucked in the ass with underwear on. There, I said it. Too subtle?
So, back to January….my husband and I were so fucking irritable…we were like frozen ice colliding together making nothing but more ice. The stress had worn us down so much that by the time we even voiced an opinion to one another, the other was immediately annoyed. It was snowing, big fucking shocker for January in North Bay, and hubs went out right after dinner to tackle all of the shovelling and snow blowing. I was actually annoyed that he got to go out and snow blow in a blizzard in peace while I had to wrangle a bucking bronco into bed!
Finally I got the kids to bed, poured myself a glass of wine, then another, then another and realized something (as you do). Things hadn’t been ‘fun’ in so long. What the fuck was ‘fun’ anymore? Nothing I could recall. So I decided that needed to change. I pulled on my snowsuit, hats, mitts, the whole shitaroo and marched my half lit ass out to the driveway to share some ‘fun’ with my man. We finished off the driveway and then I busted out my daughter’s fuckin’ Elsa snow sled and my husband and I gave each other a look like ‘what is there to lose?’ like we’re in fucking Vegas or something!
We ripped down the hill at the back of our house, clasped onto each other for dear life, laughing harder than we had in years….ok, I literally pissed my pants thanks to postpartum incontinence, but who the fuck cares! We went about the business of being US, the us that make each other laugh like crazy and who love each other like crazy but who also have two kids that are driving us crazy.
We had a wonderful, awesome moment of forgetting about being grown ups with the weight of the world on our shoulders and remembered to be the fucking idiots who fell head over heels in love. Ah, it was awesome. We still talk about how fun that night was…..‘remember that night you nearly broke your coccyx?’ ‘how could I forget?’…Just jump in…when a moment comes along or presents itself to be a complete moron – what is there to discuss? If it’s not illegal, do it!
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