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Last Baby?

There was that question again: ‘are you going to have any more kids?’

I’ve been asked it a million times since baby #2 was born in January. People get wide-eyed and oddly excited asking – and I am not talking about my friends who I gladly love to dish on this topic with. And although many super personal questions like this irk me to no end (especially when it comes to what I may or may not do with my reproductive system), I can tell you that any time someone has asked about non-existent baby #3 it hasn’t offended me. Rather, it’s set my brain off on a wild goose chase for my own clear cut answer.

Because the truth is, I don’t know and I just can’t imagine knowing right now. There are several reasons why. First, I sort of have a world-view of raising children. There are a lot of babies and kiddies out there without secure places to live (I can feel my chest tighten just thinking about this: as a society, we need to encourage adoption more). Earth has a population that is growing at a crazy rate and this has taken its toll on our planet (and I’m no tree-hugger trust me, I just think this whole topic is scary). My two boys are a great compliment to the human race, should I push it? I feel incredibly fortunate to even be able to make this choice, to live in a place where birth control is readily available and so is a fair amount of economic stability.

Secondly, I DO NOT take having the responsibility of raising another human lightly, and I firmly believe that one should be very sure about the decision to have children before embarking on such a journey. It is a life-long committment to raise children! This is why when people ask me if I am pro-choice, I definitely have an affirmative answer for that. But that is another topic for another day.

I am not going to have another child just because “ooo babies are so cute!!!!” and I love, love, love being a mother.

Another thing: the birth of baby number 2 was a true epic gong show of proportions only my husband and I can really grasp (see one of my previous posts Respect the Birth Story).

Might as well add: pregnancy with said second child was not pretty. If we ever get to talking in person about this, just ask. Happy to pass along some info on the rarer and more uncomfortable side effects of pregnancy. In addition, baby #2 made my uterus really angry. He started threatening to come out at like, week 30. What on earth will happen if I go down that road again?

When it comes to children, I didn’t have my boys until my 30s. I was in a good place mentally when I got pregnant with number one, and we are capable of giving a good life to both our kids. I think we could definitely handle more, but it’s a lot right now just with two.

And while my ovaries tingle every time I see a baby, and the thought of my youngest turning one next month almost brings me to tears (ohmygodhowdidthattimegosofast), I certainly am not ready for number 3 right now. Finding a balance, especially being the woman that I am with the goals that I have, is a trying and tricky business. And though I am not short on love to give, I am definitely already balancing a lot.

And thus my uncertainty. I have a lot to offer my family. But I am careful with big life decisions like this and I just don’t think everything is so black and white all the time.

So is my little guy my last baby?

I just don’t know. And right now, that’s fine with me.

xo Sara

#BadMomSara #pregnancy #family #momguilt #parenthood

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