Being a Mom is the toughest job ever. These are just a few of the super-skills that I think Moms should be able to put on their resumes.
Nighttime diaper changes.
Ah, mastering the art of the nighttime diaper change. It’s a delicate operation that must be approached with the stealth of an army sniper. The mission: get in and get out, as fast as humanly possible. Bonus points for not waking the baby, and for doing it in complete darkness - not even a night-light is permitted. That’s how you know you’re a real pro.
Packing a fully stocked diaper bag.
These are the absolute must-haves for any diaper bag: spare outfit(s), several diapers, 300 extra wipes, and a few garbage bags. You will forget to pack these essentials exactly ONE TIME. Because the one time you don’t have these items, this is what will happen: you’ll be out and about, driving around with your sweet little nugget and the moment will hit – the moment I lovingly refer to as the “Shitmergency”. I’m talking ‘bout a major shit blowout, up the back, all over the car seat, and all over you. Just everywhere. You’ll attempt to remedy this hot mess with the scratchy brown paper towels found in any coffee shop bathroom, but it will just not do the trick. Trust me on this one. Pack and re-stock that diaper bag often. Do it now, for good measure. Feel free to throw in some fun little extras, like 5 bottles of hand sanitizer, gloves (see Shitmergency, above), chocolate or tiny bottles of wine (for Mom, obviously!). Oh, and don’t forget to keep your phone fully charged so that you can call someone to share your epic tale of Shitmergency survival.
Keeping a tiny human alive.
I’ve tackled many a complicated spreadsheet, intense project plan, and delivered countless presentations to large groups. None of those things can even come close to being as difficult as keeping another human alive. Especially during the first few months. If you can do this – you can literally do anything in life.
Multi-tasking like a pro.
Moms can multi-task better than anyone else I’ve ever met. It’s a true gift. The most impressive part of multi-tasking Moms is how they can masterfully prepare for anyone to come in and take over seamlessly. Remember the last time you went away for a day or two (not really, I know…) – but, when you did, I’m sure you got all the outfits washed and laid out, restocked the diaper changing zone with the essentials, prepared meals and snacks, cleaned the house, did all the household laundry, put all the shoes, hats, mitts, coats where they could be easily found, and that’s just to name a few things. You didn’t just pack your own bags and go. No, no. You made sure everyone and everything was taken care of as well. You’re basically a rock star.
Being able to fix almost anything.
Having the job title of Mom comes with a huge responsibility. And yet, it’s the most rewarding job I’ve ever had. Moms are really the only ones that can fix almost any boo-boo, bad dream, or mystery tantrum. A hug or kiss from Mom can wipe any slate clean. Moms are like unicorns that actually exist for real.